Psychology says the secret to a good retirement isn’t wealth or health or even relationships – it’s having at least one thing you’re still in the middle of, still becoming, still learning how to do
A friend of mine, Dave, a retired engineer of seventy-one years, lives just down the street from me here in Saigon. I recall watching him just last Saturday morning, hauling bags of lemongrass and chili from the local wet market, and engaging in energetic banter with a vendor in a version of Vietnamese that was so broken, it was practically a new language. Dave has a comfortable nest egg, a loving partner, good health, and a vibrant social circle that keeps him busy. By every metric used to measure the success of retirement, Dave seems to have hit the jackpot. However, I believe that the secret to his vibrant life isn’t found in any of these typically sought-after retirement assets. No, I think it has more to do with the pot of broth simmering on his stove that, despite his persistent efforts, still isn’t quite right.
This observation got me thinking about what truly makes retirement meaningful and fulfilling. Most people plan for retirement by focusing on what they’ll have. They strive for financial security, good health, a partner, and perhaps a house in a warm location. These are all important factors, no doubt, but research on what makes retirement truly satisfying consistently points to something that doesn’t appear on any retirement planner’s spreadsheet.
It isn’t about what you have, but what you’re still doing. More precisely, it’s about what you haven’t yet finished. The thing you’re still learning, still becoming, that gives you a reason to get up tomorrow, fueled not by obligation, but by curiosity.
The Purpose Problem
There’s a well-documented decline in one’s sense of purpose that tends to occur after retirement. A study published in the Journal of Aging and Social Policy found that, compared to working adults, retired participants reported a lower sense of purpose, with a gradual decline following their retirement.
It’s easy to understand why this is the case. For decades, your job provided you with a clear purpose. The structured days, the deadlines, the team relying on you, the projects that needed completion. When that support structure disappears, a significant question looms: what is my purpose now?
A meta-analysis of 70 studies on purpose in life across middle and old age confirmed a small but consistent age-related decline in purpose. The decline was more pronounced in older age groups. However, the study found a strong association between purpose in life and social integration, health, everyday competence, and psychological wellbeing. People with a sense of purpose were not only happier but healthier, more functional, and more engaged with life.
Thus, the question isn’t whether purpose matters in retirement. It’s about what kind of purpose can survive and thrive in the transition to retirement.
Not All Purpose Is Created Equal
A systematic review of purpose in life among older adults identified six different ways people conceptualize purpose: health and wellbeing, meaningful aims and goals, inner strength, social relationships, mattering to others, and spirituality. Of these, “meaningful aims and goals” is the category most vulnerable to retirement, because it’s often tied to work.
But those who thrive in retirement aren’t the ones who find a replacement for work. They are the ones who find something entirely different. Not a new job, but a new challenge. Something they’re still figuring out.
Research on goal changes and healthy aging found that after retirement, it’s important to find substitutes that involve cognitive stimulation, such as taking courses or learning a new skill, to compensate for the reduction in cognitive challenges. The researchers emphasized that successful and lasting behavior change combines specific action plans with genuine goals, not busy-work but real pursuit.
This is where most retirement advice falls short. It’s not about staying busy. Busy is just a distraction. It’s about staying engaged in something that genuinely requires you to grow.
The Japanese Have a Word for It
The Japanese concept of ikigai, roughly translated as “a reason for being,” has been extensively studied in the context of aging. Research using data from a nationwide longitudinal study of Japanese older adults found that having ikigai was associated with a 31 percent lower risk of developing functional disability and a 36 percent lower risk of developing dementia over a three-year follow-up.
Ikigai was also associated with decreased depressive symptoms, higher happiness, greater life satisfaction, and more pro-social behaviors. These effects were measured after controlling for sociodemographic characteristics.
What I find compelling about ikigai is that it’s not about achievement or reaching a goal. It’s about having something that makes you want to wake up. Something unfinished. Something that still demands your attention and effort.
Why “Still Learning” Matters More Than “Already Good”
There’s a neurological basis for this. Research on sense of purpose and health behaviors found that individuals with a greater sense of purpose maintain better cognitive function and have a lower dementia risk. The working hypothesis is that purposeful engagement keeps neural pathways active, promotes neuroplasticity, and buffers against the cognitive decline that accompanies disengagement.
But I believe the key word isn’t engagement. It’s learning.
The thing you’re already good at doesn’t stretch you. It maintains you, which is valuable, but it doesn’t stimulate growth. The thing you’re still in the middle of, the thing you’re not quite good at yet, the thing that requires you to be a beginner, that’s what keeps the mind genuinely alive.
The Retirement Paradox
Here’s an unexpected reality about retirement. The freedom everyone dreams about can become the emptiness nobody planned for.
Research on purposeful retirement found that some people do experience a decline in sense of purpose after retiring, and some retirees even view maintaining a sense of purpose as nonessential. In other words, some people retire and actively decide that purpose no longer matters, that the point is to stop doing.
And maybe for a while, that feels like relief. But the research suggests that this feeling doesn’t last. Because purpose isn’t about producing something. It’s about becoming something. And the human psyche doesn’t do well when the becoming stops.
It’s like that iconic line from the movie The Shawshank Redemption, delivered by the character Andy Dufresne. Get busy living or get busy dying.
The Harvard Study of Adult Development, which has been tracking people for over 85 years, found that the happiest older adults were those who stayed engaged with things that mattered to them. Robert Waldinger, the study’s director, noted that meaningful activity and close relationships together formed the foundation of wellbeing in later life. Not one or the other. Both. But the activity has to be meaningful, not just a way to fill hours.
The McKinsey Health Institute’s research on aging with purpose identified the ability to learn, grow, and make decisions as one of five functional abilities required for healthy aging, as defined by the WHO. It’s not a luxury. It’s a functional need. The capacity to keep learning is as essential to healthy aging as the capacity to meet basic needs or maintain relationships.
What This Looks Like in Practice
From my balcony in Saigon, I observe this principle in action. There’s an older Australian expat who lives down the street. For the last three years, he has been trying to learn how to cook Vietnamese food. His attempts are often disastrous, with his bún bò Huế being a particularly notable culinary catastrophe. But every week, he’s at the market, arguing with vendors in broken Vietnamese, hauling bags of herbs home, and documenting his latest failed attempt with the caption “getting closer” in a group chat.
At seventy-one, he’s retired from a career in engineering. He has financial security, good health, a loving partner, and a supportive social circle. By all standard measures, his retirement is a success.
But I don’t believe these are the reasons behind his happiness. I think he’s happy because he’s still in the middle of something. Because every Saturday morning, there’s a pot of broth on his stove that hasn’t been perfected yet, and that imperfection is pulling him forward into the next week.
That pull is what the research is trying to measure when it talks about purpose. It’s not the grand mission. It’s not the legacy project. It’s the thing on the bench that isn’t finished. The language that still sounds wrong when you say it. The instrument that still fights you. The garden that still has its own ideas about what it wants to be.
The Thing Underneath the Thing
Wealth provides options. Health supplies energy. Relationships offer warmth. But the thing you’re still learning gives you a future tense. It gives you a reason to wake up tomorrow. Not simply as a date on the calendar, but as a pull. A reason to be curious about what happens next.
From my observations, the most fulfilling retirements aren’t the ones where people have the most. They’re the ones where people are still becoming. Still stumbling through something new. Still willing to be bad at something, in a culture that tells older people they should have everything figured out by now.
In conclusion, I don’t think you need to have everything figured out. I believe the key is to find that one thing that makes figuring it out feel worth doing. And then stay in the middle of it for as long as you can. It’s a simple secret, but one that can make all the difference.
Here is the source of this informative research.
