Interested vs Committed: The True Test of Dedication
Understanding the difference between being interested and being committed is essential when pursuing any meaningful goal. Interest often keeps options open and fades when challenges arise, whereas commitment reshapes your preparation, habits, and willingness to learn—even when progress feels inconvenient. This distinction came alive in my 2015 conversation with John Assaraf, where his mentor’s pivotal question illuminated a deeper understanding of dedication, closely tied to the nerves I experienced speaking with people I had admired for years.
I shared with John that interviewing authors whose books shaped my worldview often triggered a mix of excitement and nervousness. I sought his advice on managing these feelings—not excuses others made, but my own emotional response while doing work I genuinely cared about.
John’s guidance was practical: don’t wait to become someone else before acting. Instead, prepare thoroughly, breathe deeply, and rehearse mentally. When paired with the story he shared about his own turning point, commitment emerges as more than just a motivational buzzword—it becomes a transformative practice.
The Question That Changed John Assaraf’s Life
John recounted how, between ages 13 and 17, he was involved with friends who shoplifted and trespassed. His life changed when Allan Brown, a real estate company owner, posed a critical question: Was John merely interested in turning his life around, or was he committed to building a purposeful, meaningful life with financial stability to contribute?
Curious, John asked what the difference was.
Brown explained that interest meant doing what was convenient—holding onto limiting beliefs about intelligence or skills and remaining stuck. Commitment, however, required openness to mentorship and willingness to transform beliefs, behaviors, and habits.
Marking May 1, 1980, as the day he embraced this commitment, John moved cities to be mentored, enrolled in real estate classes by May 5, and earned his license by June 20. He reportedly earned $30,000 in his first year—more than his father’s cab driver income—and $151,000 the following year.
While these figures are John’s account and not independently verified, the essential takeaway is what transpired between the question and the earnings: decisive action, relocation, education, and consistent practice. Commitment wasn’t just a verbal answer; it reshaped his daily life.
Commitment Revealed in the Inconvenient Moments
John’s distinction serves as a behavioral checkpoint rather than a judgment of who deserves success. Genuine care doesn’t automatically equate to having the necessary skill, resources, or support. Labeling every obstacle as an excuse doesn’t solve challenges either.
The real difference lies in how one responds to constraints. Missing knowledge can become a mentoring opportunity; weak skills can turn into focused practice. Neither improves simply by watching another motivational video or reading an inspiring quote.
| When this happens | Interest alone | Commitment in practice |
|---|---|---|
| The first excitement fades | Wait for another burst of motivation | Return to the work you chose |
| A skill is missing | Treat the gap as a permanent verdict | Learn, practice and ask for useful feedback |
| Nerves show up | Make feeling confident a condition of starting | Prepare for the task while acknowledging the nerves |
| An attempt disappoints | Protect yourself by avoiding another attempt | Review what happened and change the next attempt |
This practical interpretation isn’t a promise that persistence makes every goal achievable. Commitment might include revising a flawed plan. The key is to stop letting convenience dictate decisions while insisting the goal is non-negotiable.
Do You Want the Work or Just a Motivation Fix?
Early in his journey, John played with his brand name, Addicted2Success, distinguishing constructive behaviors from destructive ones. He challenged those who consumed motivation, tips, and techniques to ask themselves: Are you also acting in ways that lead to your goals?
When I asked if people should chase inspiration instead, John described motivation as a motive for action—a short-lived spark like gunpowder. Inspiration, by contrast, is deeply tied to values, purpose, and identity—pulling you toward activities naturally, like children engrossed in surfing, chess, or music.
Meaningful work doesn’t always feel enjoyable. Even activities you love involve repetition and uncomfortable conversations. But John’s question remains vital: What are you curious enough about to keep learning when no one is cheering you on? If you only enjoy starting, another burst of motivation might not be the missing piece.
The Old Patterns Can Persist After the New Decision
John explained the concept of automaticity—the process of learning with conscious effort until the behavior becomes automatic through repetition. This can take 30 to 180 days depending on difficulty, linked to neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to change.
These timelines are examples, not rigid rules. The point is that existing behavioral patterns may need interrupting before forming new ones. Notably, deciding once isn’t equal to practicing consistently.
Identify the exact moment old responses take over—whether when starting work, receiving feedback, or fearing judgment. Then choose a manageable alternative behavior. For example, if you usually retreat into research instead of asking questions, prepare specific questions and ask them. Don’t demand a new personality before practicing different responses.
Fear Does Not Automatically Cancel Commitment
At the time of our conversation, John was building NeuroGym and candidly shared that he still felt fear around experts in neuroscience. Their knowledge could be intimidating, yet their presence was integral to his mission.
This honesty is crucial. Fear isn’t something to “graduate” from permanently. It’s an alarm from the amygdala signaling discomfort. John emphasized that fear means be aware—not stop.
Awareness is key: distinguish real danger from fear of rejection or unfamiliarity. Real threats require a protective response; ordinary performance nerves call for preparation, not withdrawal.
John’s surfing analogy illustrates this well: one person sees a wave and backs away; another learns to ride it. His phrase “turn fear into fuel” focuses on managing the feeling constructively rather than pretending it doesn’t exist.
Managing Nerves: John’s Practical Advice
When I confessed feeling nervous interviewing admired guests, John offered actionable steps instead of criticism:
- Be prepared. Know your subject and the activity thoroughly. Breathing is not a substitute for homework but a complement.
- Take 10 rhythmic breaths. He explained this promotes neural coherence, calming the nervous system.
- Mentally rehearse the activity. Imagine the task unfolding successfully 10 to 40 times, rather than obsessing over potential embarrassment.
These are performance-preparation techniques, not clinical treatments or anxiety cures. The metaphor he used—“Frankenstein or Einstein”—contrasts replaying embarrassment with adopting a problem-solving mindset. While his neurological explanation is metaphorical, the underlying question is simple: Are you rehearsing the task or rehearsing humiliation?
For me, preparing thoughtful questions and visualizing the conversation is vastly different from worrying about sounding foolish.
Understanding Disappointment Avoidance
John also addressed why people avoid trying again after failure. He linked it to a desire to avoid disappointing parents or caregivers, extending to self-disappointment. Repeated painful experiences make additional attempts feel threatening.
He termed the justifications we tell ourselves “rational lies”—plausible but protective excuses that prevent action while leaving the goal intact.
Rather than condemning these explanations, question them: What new information justifies postponing? What would need to change before proceeding? If conditions keep shifting, it might be avoidance rather than strategic planning.
John’s approach to parenting—separating the child from their behavior—applies here. A poor attempt requires correction, not a judgment of your worth.
Giving Commitment a Solid Foundation
If applying these insights today, start by clearly naming one goal and the inconvenient action it demands. Identify what preparation you lack, the feelings you avoid, and someone who can support your learning. This grounds “I’m committed” in observable reality.
At the end of our conversation, I asked John what his final 30-second message to the world would be. He said it would begin with: “You have within you everything you need and there are people around you that can help you,” and conclude with, “I love you.”
I appreciate how he left space for help. Brown’s question didn’t isolate John; it invited mentorship. When I struggled with nerves, John didn’t demand fearlessness—he offered practical preparation for the next conversation.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the difference between being interested and being committed?
According to John Assaraf, being interested means acting when it’s convenient, holding onto familiar excuses for not changing. Being committed means embracing the necessary learning, preparation, and behavioral changes required by the goal—even when initial enthusiasm fades.
How did John Assaraf distinguish motivation from inspiration?
John described motivation as a short-lived spark, akin to gunpowder, that drives immediate action. Inspiration, however, stems from deeper values and purpose, pulling you toward activities with sustained engagement—like children absorbed in surfing, chess, or music.
Why does feeling fear not always mean you should stop?
John framed fear as a signal to increase awareness rather than an automatic cue to withdraw. It’s important to assess real danger versus performance nerves or unfamiliarity. In many cases, preparation and learning to act despite fear is the recommended approach.
What did John Assaraf mean by disappointment avoidance?
Disappointment avoidance involves avoiding action to escape the pain of self- or other-disappointment. Past failures can make another attempt feel threatening. John called the self-justifications we tell ourselves “rational lies” that protect us from discomfort but hinder progress.
What preparation did John suggest when nerves appear?
He recommended thorough knowledge of the task, taking 10 rhythmic breaths to calm the nervous system, and mentally rehearsing the activity multiple times as if it were happening successfully. These steps aim to improve performance, not replace professional anxiety treatment.
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