When the Boss Is the Bully: How to Protect Yourself and Take Action
National Boss’s Day is often seen as a time to appreciate leadership, but for many employees, this day serves as a reminder of difficult workplace dynamics. Not every boss deserves gratitude—some use their power to intimidate, belittle, or bully their team members. If you find yourself struggling under a toxic boss, it’s crucial to recognize the problem, protect yourself, and understand your rights.
I vividly recall a moment in the office kitchen, feeling pressured to sign a “thank you” card on National Boss’s Day. The card’s front read, “The world needs more bosses like you!” Yet, the boss in question was one of the worst I had ever worked for—a true bully who publicly and privately humiliated me, called me names, and threatened my position. This experience is unfortunately not unique. According to the Workplace Bullying Institute, approximately 19% of American workers have experienced bullying on the job, often from supervisors or bosses.
If you’re facing a bully boss, here are three critical steps to help you navigate the situation and protect your well-being.
1. Don’t Normalize the Behavior Just Because It’s Your Boss
Power dynamics in the workplace often cause employees to tolerate behavior they would not accept from peers. We might justify bullying by telling ourselves, “That’s just how they are,” or “I need to put up with this for the paycheck.” However, normalizing bullying only perpetuates the cycle. Research published by the American Psychological Association highlights that unchecked workplace bullying significantly harms employee mental health and productivity.
Ask yourself: Would you allow a colleague to treat you this way? If the answer is no, then the behavior from a boss is equally unacceptable. Recognizing that bullying is a pattern—not an isolated incident—is the first step toward reclaiming your sense of dignity at work.
2. Document What’s Happening
One of the most empowering actions you can take is to keep detailed records of bullying incidents. Write down the date, time, what was said or done, who was present, and how it impacted your work. Save emails, messages, and any other communications that demonstrate the behavior. This documentation is invaluable if you decide to seek legal advice or escalate the issue within your organization.
In my book, The Devil Emails at Midnight: What Good Leaders Can Learn from Bad Bosses, I emphasize that a boss who bullies once is likely to do it repeatedly. Documentation not only protects you but also validates your experience—reminding you that you are not imagining things or overreacting. Studies from the Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM) confirm that well-kept records increase the likelihood of a successful resolution when addressing workplace bullying.
3. Know Your Rights
Speaking up against a bully boss can feel risky, but employees do have protections under the law. Organizations like Lift Our Voices, founded by Gretchen Carlson and Julie Roginsky, are dedicated to helping employees understand their rights and challenge workplace silencing tactics.
Their LOV Where You Work AI Tool is a free and innovative resource that analyzes employment agreements to help you identify clauses that might limit your ability to speak out. This tool can empower you with knowledge about what you’ve signed and your options moving forward. Consulting trusted mentors, friends, or an employment lawyer can also provide support and guidance tailored to your situation.
Remember, having a boss does not mean surrendering your voice. It means learning when and how to use it effectively, ensuring your work environment is safe and respectful.
For many, National Boss’s Day is a celebration of positive leadership. But if your boss is the reason you dread going to work, you owe yourself more than a card—you owe yourself a plan. Validate your experience, document the facts, and explore your options. By taking these steps, you reclaim your power and protect your professional and personal well-being.
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