Mastering the Art of Conversation: Five Phrases to Boost Your Likability
Some people are natural conversationalists. I’m not one of them.
Like many, I’ve often found myself feeling awkward in conversation. This challenge is particularly significant for entrepreneurs, for whom engaging with others is a core part of the job. Successful conversations do more than fill time—they can drive businesses and strengthen relationships. People naturally prefer to buy from, collaborate with, and work alongside those who are easy to talk to and genuinely engaging.
Over the past two decades, I’ve studied the communication patterns of master conversationalists, insights that culminated in my latest book, Conversation: How to Connect with Anyone & Make Every Interaction Count. Through this research, I discovered that instantly likable people consistently use certain phrases to build rapport and foster connection. Below, I share five such phrases that you can incorporate into your everyday professional and personal interactions—team meetings, investor calls, client sessions—to transform your small talk into meaningful engagement.
1. ‘I was just thinking about you!’
Everyone appreciates being remembered. Starting a conversation with, “I was just thinking about you!” creates an immediate sense of connection. For instance, when I wanted to reconnect with a VIP who had been on my mind, I sent a message that read:
→ Subject: I was just thinking about you! I stopped by the pier this weekend and stumbled upon the national skimboarding competition! Of course, it made me think of you. Did you ever end up designing your own board? I took a video of the winning skim, attached. Incredible, right?
She responded enthusiastically, sharing a picture of the skimboard she designed. This exchange led to a catch-up call, a taco breakfast, and eventually an invitation to speak at her company’s corporate retreat.
This phrase is versatile and effective in many contexts:
→ When someone comes to mind, text them: “Hey! I was just thinking of you and wanted to check in. Anything new and exciting?”
→ If you see something that reminds you of someone, share it and say, “I just saw this amazing [blank], and it made me think of you!”
→ When reconnecting after a while, try: “Long time no talk. Someone recently mentioned a [blank], and, of course, I thought of you.”
These phrases instantly ease tension and make the other person feel valued. It’s a simple yet powerful way to strengthen bonds.
2. ‘Tell me more!’
Research consistently shows that asking questions, especially follow-ups, significantly increases likability. It signals genuine interest and engagement. The simplest, most effective follow-up is: “Tell me more!”
For example, when I was in the emergency room recovering from food poisoning, a nurse seemed a bit grumpy. Noticing a pin above her name badge, I asked about it, and she lit up talking about a local biking initiative. I didn’t know much about biking, so I simply said, “Tell me more!” Encouraged, she shared enthusiastically, checked on me frequently, and even brought a warm blanket.
Here’s a pro tip for networking: if someone’s story gets interrupted—by noise or distractions—say, “You were saying something so interesting. Please tell me more!” This not only validates their story but also earns their lasting appreciation.
3. ‘Last time we were talking, you mentioned…’
To become effortlessly likable with someone you’ve met before, reference something they shared previously. Saying, “Last time we were talking, you mentioned…” followed by a detail that excited them, shows attentiveness and respect.
For example, you might say, “Last time we spoke, you mentioned you were going to Greece on vacation. How was that?” or inquire about a project or favorite show they discussed.
This tactic packs an emotional punch, signaling that you value the person and remember what matters to them. It’s a subtle but powerful way to build trust and rapport.
A famous example is Earvin “Magic” Johnson, who impressed his future wife by remembering she liked yellow and surprising her with yellow roses shortly after their first meeting. She called it “the sweetest thing any guy who’d ever showed romantic interest in me had done.”
4. ‘Same here!’
Psychological research reveals that people favor those with whom they share common ground. From online profiles to team dynamics, shared interests promote likability, cooperation, and persuasion.
Starting meetings or negotiations by highlighting similarities—whether in background, hobbies, or experiences—invites responses like “Same here!” and fosters instant connection.
For example, in 2025, I was invited to appear on Khloé Kardashian’s podcast. Nervous about small talk, I prepared a list of our shared experiences, such as attending all-girls schools and having two children. Mentioning these commonalities activated “same here!” moments, turning the conversation into an effortless, warm exchange. Afterward, she remarked, “I didn’t want that to end.”
This phrase isn’t just charming—it’s grounded in social psychology and helps build meaningful relationships.
5. ‘You’re so…!’
Instant likability often stems from making others feel valued. People constantly wonder if they’re interesting, likeable, or appreciated. Offering genuine validation answers these silent questions and fosters connection.
Don’t hesitate to highlight positive traits. Simply say, “You’re so…” followed by an authentic compliment on humor, charisma, punctuality, or any admirable quality.
For example, the legendary fashion designer Cristóbal Balenciaga grew up shy and poor in a Basque fishing village. One day, he boldly told the elegant Marquesa de Casa Torres, “How elegant you are!” This sincere compliment captivated her, leading to mentorship and the launch of his career.
Positive labeling helps people see themselves in a new light, and many strive to live up to the attributes you acknowledge.
Now, I challenge you: Use one of these five phrases in your next conversation. Observe how quickly your connection deepens and your likability soars.
From CONVERSATION: How to Connect with Anyone & Make Every Interaction Count by Vanessa Van Edwards, published October 6, 2026, by Portfolio, an imprint of Penguin Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House, LLC. ©2026 Vanessa Van Edwards
