The Complexity Behind a Late Thumbs-Up
A thumbs-up emoji arriving hours after a promotion announcement in a group chat might seem trivial at first glance. Yet, that delayed, minimal response often signals more than mere oversight. After the initial flood of congratulations and celebratory messages, this quiet acknowledgment stands out—prompting others to notice and sometimes misinterpret it.
Such muted reactions are frequently misread as jealousy, but psychological research reveals a deeper, more nuanced reality. These responses often stem from personal histories and emotional patterns far more intricate than simple envy.
What Psychologists Mean by “Capitalisation”
In psychological terms, sharing positive news with others is known as “capitalisation.” This concept was extensively studied by psychologist Shelly Gable and her colleagues, who published their findings in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Their four studies demonstrated that communicating good news can enhance daily wellbeing beyond the event itself.
Crucially, the listener’s reaction plays a significant role. When listeners respond with active enthusiasm—asking questions and showing genuine delight—the uplift in the sharer’s wellbeing is notably greater than when met with indifference or minimal acknowledgment.
Four Typical Responses to Good News
Psychologists identify four common types of replies to positive news:
- Active Enthusiasm: Genuine excitement paired with follow-up questions.
- Quiet Pleasure: Subtle, understated positive acknowledgment.
- Deflating Responses: Remarks that focus on potential downsides or “catches” (e.g., “Sounds like more hours of work”).
- Near-Silence or Subject Change: Avoidance or minimal reaction, often shifting the conversation away.
The last two responses are most common among those who struggle to celebrate others’ successes.
The Psychology of Selective Flat Responses
People who respond flatly to some good news but not others often do so selectively. For example, a friend may enthusiastically cheer a half-marathon achievement but remain silent about a book deal. This pattern aligns with Abraham Tesser’s self-evaluation maintenance model from 1988.
Self-Evaluation Maintenance Model Explained
Tesser and his co-authors describe two simultaneous processes: when a close friend outperforms you in an area tied closely to your self-identity, feelings of comparison and threat arise. This dynamic can cause distancing or diminished enthusiasm. Conversely, when the achievement lies outside your valued domains, you experience vicarious pride and bask in their success.
In essence, closeness intensifies emotional stakes. A friend’s triumph in your field can feel more painful due to the personal relevance and relational proximity.
The Role of “Anti-Mattering” and Childhood Experiences
Gordon Flett, a psychologist at York University, Toronto, has explored a related concept called anti-mattering: a chronic feeling of invisibility, insignificance, or being unheard. His research, including a study published in Frontiers in Psychology, links higher anti-mattering scores to loneliness and negative self-views.
Further research involving high school students, published in the Journal of Psychoeducational Assessment, found correlations between anti-mattering, harsh self-perception, and insecure attachment styles.
Attachment Styles and Responsiveness
A study of 101 dating couples in the Journal of Family Psychology observed partners sharing good news. Observers noted that individuals with avoidant attachment styles responded with less warmth and underestimated their partner’s responsiveness.
Although no experiment can definitively prove that childhood neglect directly causes adult difficulties in celebrating others, these findings collectively suggest that feeling safe and valued in close relationships underpins the capacity to express joy for another’s success.
Understanding Envy’s True Nature
Envy is often the knee-jerk explanation for flat or muted responses, but it’s important to distinguish between two types. Niels van de Ven and colleagues at Tilburg University differentiated benign from malicious envy across multiple countries.
Benign envy motivates individuals to improve themselves and close the gap with the successful person. In contrast, malicious envy seeks to undermine or diminish the other’s achievements.
Most people who give flat responses fall into the benign category. They may want the success for themselves, and hearing about another’s win can reopen personal wounds from past moments when they were overlooked or uncelebrated.
Can Celebrating Others Be Learned?
The German language offers a useful concept: Schadenfreude, pleasure at another’s misfortune. Psychologists have adopted the inverse term, freudenfreude, to describe joy at another’s happiness—a growing focus in psychological research.
Catherine Chambliss, whose work appears in the World Journal of Psychiatry and Mental Health Research, found that mildly depressed undergraduates scored lower on freudenfreude and higher on schadenfreude compared to their peers.
Training Joy for Others’ Success
Chambliss’s team developed a training program involving two main exercises:
- Shoy: Actively encouraging someone to elaborate on their good news, even if enthusiasm feels initially forced.
- Bragitude: Sharing personal achievements while highlighting the contributions of others who helped along the way.
In a two-week trial with depressed students, these exercises led to improvements in mood and interpersonal relationships. While the study’s sample size and duration were limited, the findings suggest that cultivating the ability to celebrate others might be trainable.
Importantly, this underscores a delicate truth: the friend who struggles to celebrate your good news may themselves be waiting for someone to celebrate them. Healing and growth often require someone to take the first step in fostering shared joy.
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